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by Janice Symons-Bradbury  

Have you ever felt like your child is controlling your life? Have you ever wondered why you find yourself shouting louder than your child? I have certainly felt this way many times along my parenting journey. It seems that the further I travel down the road of parenting, the more I tend to become the very parent I always vowed I would never be. The one who shouts when things don’t get done, the one who spanks in the heat of the moment before talking it out, the one who focuses on more negatives than positives in my children? I have come to realise that the more out of control I am, the more my children seem to become out of control and out of sync with the world. 

This feeling of being overwhelmed by parenting led to me feverishly tackle literature regarding difficult children from all the sources I could find. Surely my child must be going through some difficult stage? Why else has my seven year old have become so cheeky and so defiant of late? There must be something I can find to assist him in his difficult stage of development?  And then it struck me.....perhaps I am going through a difficult developmental stage myself? Maybe, just maybe, I should have a look at what my life is looking like at present.

This  “aha” moment rudely brought my attention back to me and the true meaning of the “taking responsibility for your actions” rule, that I am so intent on teaching my children, seems to ring true for me too! In my fervent research I came to understand that everything I read was actually stored right in the not too long-term department of my memory. Sometimes as parents and as professionals we tend to forget the theory we have learnt as we get caught up in the busy-ness of everyday living. We tend to become so caught up in the next project due or next promotion we are working towards that we forget to bring ourselves back to the here and now. My very first external indicator that my life is picking up too much pace is my seven year old son and his emotional reactions. At most times he intuitively picks up that mom is not ok and he then seems to start feeling not so ok too. This makes me realize the importance of staying ahead off my own emotions and my responsibility in making sure that he is provided with a healthy role model of how a successful adult can adapt to the outside world and its trials and tribulations.

As parents it may be a hell of lot easier to do this parenting “thing” if we could just govern our own emotions first and as a ripple effect our children might feel more secure and in control of their own emotions. Most of the literature implies that when we are faced with parenting crisis, we tend to want to fix the child. It is my mission to assist parents with not only regaining their own control back, but to also assist their children to become more emotionally aware and better able to work alongside their parents rather than against them. In the following weeks and months to follow I will be addressing various issues of parenting and child development along with a series of online workshops that can be completed in the comfort of your own home, after the kids have gone to sleep, or school if you will that is!


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